Happy Birthday....or not

So tomorrow is my birthday and I am turning 30. Everyone asks you, "How does it feel to be turning 30." My answer is the same everytime. "I don't feel any different, besides the divorce I am feel I am doing pretty good with where I am at in my life." I thought I believed that, until tonight at spin class. For some reason in the middle of spin class I felt my emotions get the best of me. I wasn't concentrating on my class, but instead of how crappy I feel about being alone. Isn't that so stupid. Why is it just 45 mins before I was telling Heidi how I am ok with turning 30, but then I can barely control my emotions about the exact same thing. Once again, Iknow I have plenty of friends and family that love me and that are there for me, but it is different. I can't explain how different it is, but it is. I would have been fine having a 30th birthday and being single or whatever....but I thought when I chose to get married, I wouldn't be spending birthdays alone. So here I am on the eve of my birthday and I can't stop the tears from coming. Oh my hell just when you think you are moving forward, this happens.

Do what I think is one of the worst parts about this. How most people tell me, "oh, Neesha things will be ok...you will find someone better." or "There is someone out there for you, don't get discouraged." What am I supposed to say? When I was single and had never been married, people never said that to me. Friends, family or acquaintances never said anything to me about not losing hope etc. But now, that is all anyone can say. I remember my cousin Candice telling me that her family would say that stuff all the time to her, but I never was told it and how thankful I was not too. But now that is all anyone can say. Don't get me wrong....I know the people that are saying it, have good intentions. It is just hard to here, because honestly.....I thought I found that person. I thought I found the one that was out there for me. Why take the chance again? oh, this entire situation is so frustrating. I'm hoping that my emotions will change to being more positive as fast as it went negative....wheres the zoloft?