I will not be afraid of the numbers

Every Friday I have to weigh myself and send a picture to my trainer. I have been contimplating whether or not to post my weight each week and help document the journey that I am going through. But in order to do this, that means i would have put my my weight out in public for all to see. I don't know any female that is ok doing this, especially a fat one. But I have decided to put the numbers out there and not to be afraid of them anymore. So here are the pictures I have taken so far. When I started this about a month ago I weight...279.9 LBs. That is right....almost 280 lbs. That is why i knew that i needed professional health. With the holidays and getting a schedule down...my trainer and I started to do the picture thing. That way i am weighing myself the same day, time and using the same scale. So here are the pic.




This weigh in was a mixture of feelings. Earlier this week I entered a gold gym challenged and weighted in at 274 lbs. It was at 5 at night and i at more that day. But then friday came and I felt like I was face with the real truth of where i was at with my weight. IT was very hard. I gained over a pound. For two weeks I was battling some major depression. Things weren't going well at work, I was lonely and I struggled in every aspect of my life. The last week up to this weigh in, I cried every night. Cried over my eating, my divorce, my job. When I was home, I wanted to eat everything. I was so embarrassed to email Hillary my picture. For the first time, I really felt like I let her down. (and if you know me, you know I absolutly hate failing at anything).

This was last weeks post. Hillary had given me a goal of 266, so i was so happy when I weighed in at 265. I had done cardio every day that week, and eat right. It felt awesome. What I am finding now...is that I have a really good week and go really strong, and then I struggle doing it two weeks in a row. This morning I was supposed to go to the gym early morning, but i was up all night with cramps. It was hard. I get so scared that if i miss just one day of cardio I will be letting her down again. So from now on, I will be posting my weight each week to see how I progress.