It's Final....a week ago. June 11

Some Memories of DeMitt and I
New york

Christmas Day at Powder

Hawaii

Him teaching to long board

With family

Nieces and nephews

mom getting sealed

I put these pictures up because they are some of my favorites.

So I finally mustered up the courage to call the courts today to see if the divorce was final. And with no surprise...it was. When I found out, I was actually taking my sisters dog for a walk in the park. I sat on the grass under a tree and make the phone call. When I found out, I just laid back and let the tears roll down my face. It makes me sad for the kids I won't have, the pets that are divided, the memories that we made, the ones that we won't make and most of all not being with the person I planned on spending the rest of my life with. It's crazy...on my Wedding day I never thought in a million years I would be in the situation I am in. You think you will have some rough times, but that you will both be able to work through it. I knew Demitt had trouble following through with things ....but I NEVER thought that it would have applied to me. I remember when Demitt and I would get into arguments while we were dating and while we were married and he would just want to leave. I would beg him to stay and work through things....maybe that was his way to try to get out of something that he felt like would never last. But stayed cause I begged. who the hell knows. I'm tired of my life from 4 to 10.

2 weeks

In 2 weeks my divorce will be final. I don't know how I feel. Should I feel happy cause i don't have it hanging over my head, or should I feel sad because it just reaffirms the fucked up decisions we (demitt and I ) made. It is the 2nd day of summer and I am already struggling. After work I come home and I am alone and it is hard. I try to muster up the energy to go and work out, but I can't. I don't know why...i just can't even get myself out of the house. Its like I put on this face of someone that is doing great, and when I get home I can be how I really am....so i stay inside so that no one knows what is really going on. The thought of being divorced makes me sick, the thought of being single and have to start dating again...makes me want to hurl. Thank god for a new job...that will keep me too busy for anything else. But what do i do for the four or five hours im home...alone?

Last week of school

This week was the last week of school and my last day at Fairfield Jr. High. I loved working here with many of the faculty and the guys. It will be my first time breaking away from Steve and actually doing my own thing....which is probably well needed...but the familiar is always nice as well. It was nice when Steve presented me with a gift card, flowers and a falcon statue. He asked for words of wisdom and I wanted to list all the students names I had been working with and say,"don't write them off....just work with these kiddo's and you will love them like I do" But I didn't. It was also nice that after lunch i had a lot of teachers come up and wish me good luck...compared to when steve announced I was going to be an intern two years ago...not one person came up to congratulate me. So I will consider that progress. Anyway....i have busy summer getting ready for Syracuse Jr.